Randomly one day while sitting on the couch lounging around watching some television, my daughter sat on my lap and said, "Mommy, why did _______ break all your stuff? That was so mean. Mommy I love you." OK, what was she talking about right? I wish I did NOT know, BUT I DID. Crazy thing is my daughter is only 4, almost 5, but this happened when she was only 2, yes I said 2. The situation she was referring to was this: October 2011, Me and this person was not even in a relationship any more, we had ended things and nothing more was going on, he simply asked if he could take our daughter to the state fair, I was hesitant on a response as the end result was a simple yes. Before his arrival he asked if I were involved with anyone else, with no reason to lie I said yes. Nothing more was said on that. When he arrived things were a little different, he took my phone and sent a message to the person I was involved with called and that resulted in an argument between the 2. That sent him in a rage and he started to go crazy, breaking my phone, my computer, bashing the television in with a hammer, throwing things, breaking the entertainment center ALL IN FRONT OF OUR DAUGHTER. . . then he choked me dragging me in the bathroom telling me how he was going to kill me. I was very calm through the whole thing simply because my daughter was standing there crying and I knew that if I went into a rage and fought back things would be even worse, my silence and calmness was worth not having my daughter injured or seeing mommy act out. I did yell and we argued after I grabbed my daughter and left quickly leaving him in MY HOUSE. I drove away . . . This was suppose to be about my daughter, we didn't even make it to the fair. Now, knowing that's what my daughter was talking about when she said that to me hurts. People, just because your children are young doesn't mean they do not know what it going on, it doesn't mean they cannot remember. I was actually shocked because at 2 I thought there was NO CHANCE she would remember a thing, I was wrong.
Another example of the impact abuse can have on children...
My husband, daughter and I were at the beach on a family vacation. At the beginning of the trip we checked into the hotel room and began to unpack. My husband stepped on the balcony and when he came in he closed the balcony door. I heard the sound of wind coming in and said Babe, the door isn't shut. He said yes it is, its coming from over there, point at the main door to the room, I said no, then we started laughing and getting loud going back and forth to prove who was right, "Over there, no there, bet on it..." we went on and on getting loud...My daughter started crying and screaming, "stop stop yelling nooooo I don't like it" as she ran over and got in-between us. All we could do was sit down and apologize. My husband instantly hugged her and I explained how we were only playing. This wasn't the first time she has done that and it wasn't the last. Sad that loud noises can make her go into a panic. This was just another reminder that children don't forget things they have been through.
At those moments I realize I wasn't the only one who went through a domestic violence situation. Just because she wasn't physically abused she suffers from witnessing abuse. I'm writing this blog to share my experiences with you all. To show you that your actions has an impact on everyone around you. Do NOT for one second thing you can alone handle such situations, because you are not the only one suffering the abuse, whether its mental, physical, emotional or verbal. I know people will deal with things that are not healthy but when it come to their children they will do something different, something better, so if you canNOT leave for you, think of your children. Think of how they are influenced and do what's best for them. One thing I must say, I am thankful, grateful I woke up and got out while my daughter was so young, I'm not happy with myself or the decisions I made at the time, but I am happy I didn't stay there. No matter how long it has been for you, if you can read this you can leave and still have a chance. Let no one have a lasting impression on your children that has them scared to hear male/female voices, panic when they feel something is happening, its not worth it. You were chosen to be a parent to you little one, so your job is to protect them at ALL times. Leave that abusive relationship and start a new life for you and your little ones.