I know it’s been awhile since I have written on the blog, but I felt it in my heart to share another story with you all.
Thinking back on the days when I was in an abusive relationship it makes me happy to know I was able to come out alive. This particular day could have changed my whole life and I thank God I was able to control my emotions and listen to that inner voice inside. By this time I still hadn’t obviously had enough, I was still hoping I could make things work for the sake of my family and I guess you can say I felt as though I was in love.
The normal was arguing about some girl “he” was involved with that I had to find out about, things seemed to turn sour when he would get caught up in his lies, cheating and deceit. Getting angry that I was threatening to leave him once again he decided to hit me……yet again. By this time, I had dealt with it a few times, I had cried about it and even fought back, not thinking what was the point if you are going to stay. Upset and full of emotion I decided that this time, I was going to make him pay…pay for everything, how he made me feel emotional, cheating, lying, and most of all…hitting me. I grabbed his gun that he had after he had hit me and I aimed it at him, I screamed louder and louder,” I’m so fed up with this, you wanna put your hands on me now!” The more I screamed the more I became angry. At that point he looked and seemed so scared; ready to apologize I didn’t want to hear it. I was ready to put an end to this abuse THE WRONG WAY. He reached for the gun and I became more upset. I was very calm at this point and I told him that if he ever laid a hand on me I would shoot him with his own gun. Looking terrified he pleaded for his life. This did not make me feel better I only wanted to receive what I was getting in return and that was respect. After some time going back and forth I lowered the gun and decided it was not worth my life, but let’s talk about the WHAT IF’S….
What if I had shot the gun?
What if I had killed him?
What if I had shot him?
So many thoughts … having a life and a child is not worth any man’s or woman’s life. That quick I allowed someone to change my whole mind frame and almost take me to the point of no return. Today I COULD be in prison facing a life sentence, not raising my little girl and not writing this blog at the moment.
It was placed on my heart to share this story with you all in to reach someone who is having thoughts of doing the unthinkable. If you are in a domestic violence relationship the simplest thing to do is to LEAVE. I know it may be hard, but you don’t want to face those consequences of possibly exploding and doing something without thinking clearly that you would have to live with and suffer the consequences for the rest of your life. It is just not worth it. Your abuser is not worth losing your life to prove a point or demand to be treated right and with respect. Everyone can change YES, but if you are being abused then chances are slim to none that they will stop. Sorry, I cannot sugar coat this tonight because I refuse to be responsible for making someone stay in an abusive relationship hoping their situation will change.
LEAVE…it sounds so simple yet hard to do right?? I understand, NOPE I still did not leave after this happened, so I understand….it took soooo much more for me to leave unfortunately, but please learn from ME…things will NOT get better. PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE STORIES ABOUT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP!
-NaQuia Lowery
Thinking back on the days when I was in an abusive relationship it makes me happy to know I was able to come out alive. This particular day could have changed my whole life and I thank God I was able to control my emotions and listen to that inner voice inside. By this time I still hadn’t obviously had enough, I was still hoping I could make things work for the sake of my family and I guess you can say I felt as though I was in love.
The normal was arguing about some girl “he” was involved with that I had to find out about, things seemed to turn sour when he would get caught up in his lies, cheating and deceit. Getting angry that I was threatening to leave him once again he decided to hit me……yet again. By this time, I had dealt with it a few times, I had cried about it and even fought back, not thinking what was the point if you are going to stay. Upset and full of emotion I decided that this time, I was going to make him pay…pay for everything, how he made me feel emotional, cheating, lying, and most of all…hitting me. I grabbed his gun that he had after he had hit me and I aimed it at him, I screamed louder and louder,” I’m so fed up with this, you wanna put your hands on me now!” The more I screamed the more I became angry. At that point he looked and seemed so scared; ready to apologize I didn’t want to hear it. I was ready to put an end to this abuse THE WRONG WAY. He reached for the gun and I became more upset. I was very calm at this point and I told him that if he ever laid a hand on me I would shoot him with his own gun. Looking terrified he pleaded for his life. This did not make me feel better I only wanted to receive what I was getting in return and that was respect. After some time going back and forth I lowered the gun and decided it was not worth my life, but let’s talk about the WHAT IF’S….
What if I had shot the gun?
What if I had killed him?
What if I had shot him?
So many thoughts … having a life and a child is not worth any man’s or woman’s life. That quick I allowed someone to change my whole mind frame and almost take me to the point of no return. Today I COULD be in prison facing a life sentence, not raising my little girl and not writing this blog at the moment.
It was placed on my heart to share this story with you all in to reach someone who is having thoughts of doing the unthinkable. If you are in a domestic violence relationship the simplest thing to do is to LEAVE. I know it may be hard, but you don’t want to face those consequences of possibly exploding and doing something without thinking clearly that you would have to live with and suffer the consequences for the rest of your life. It is just not worth it. Your abuser is not worth losing your life to prove a point or demand to be treated right and with respect. Everyone can change YES, but if you are being abused then chances are slim to none that they will stop. Sorry, I cannot sugar coat this tonight because I refuse to be responsible for making someone stay in an abusive relationship hoping their situation will change.
LEAVE…it sounds so simple yet hard to do right?? I understand, NOPE I still did not leave after this happened, so I understand….it took soooo much more for me to leave unfortunately, but please learn from ME…things will NOT get better. PLEASE STAY TUNED FOR MORE STORIES ABOUT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCES IN A DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RELATIONSHIP!
-NaQuia Lowery